“Star Trek”: The Movie (but not “Star Trek: The Movie”)

trekWhen my family first got our first VCR (I remember my dad got as bonus – $700 – and we bought a new-fangled four-head player), my dad immediately went out and bought the first Star Trek movie.  We all gathered ‘round and watched it and I’ll never forget the feeling.

From then on, I never watched another Star Trek again.

I’ve seen bits and pieces here and there.  The Wife liked Deep Space Nine, one of my friends in middle school liked The Next Generation, I laughed at the theme to Enterprise.  I don’t think I’ve ever been interested in it before this movie.

If anyone from Heroes is in a movie, I refuse to watch it.  I do the same with Julia Roberts.

If anyone from Heroes is in a movie, I refuse to watch it. I do the same with Julia Roberts.

Actually, to tell you the truth, I’m just sucking up to the sci-fi geeks out there.  Frankly, I was thinking of skipping it entirely because that dude from Heroes is in it; Heroes is to comics is what Gateway is to computers: a cheap knock-off of something that could’ve been very good.  However, I saw Simon Pegg for half a second on the preview and decided to give it a shot.

It was pretty good.  Surprisingly good.  I think the writers did a good job of figuring out a way to start the franchise over (how Spock and Kirk met.  I’m sure that’s documented somewhere, but instead of doing hundreds of hours of research, they just rebooted it). 

No matter how good it is, however, I have two complaints:

  1. This is a complaint to the reviewers: when you’re reviewing a movie, talk about the goddamn movie!  I read four reviews of Star Trek and they all talked about the science, the themes, or the history of the franchise.  I don’t care about the franchise.  I care about the movie.  I don’t care how you felt the first time you saw the Vulcan Neck Pinch.  I don’t care how the themes of Rodenberry’s original creation outshine any special effects the current market demands.  I don’t care that when you were little your dad bought a VCR and rented the original movie.  You’re a reviewer; review.
  2.  At one point in the movie, Kirk tries to take over the ship.  Spock takes him out, knocks him out, and sends him out into space.  Kirk’s little ship lands on a moon of a random planet in a random galaxy. He gets out, is attacked by a random monster, and hides in a random cave.  Spock of the future is waiting there for him.  That’s like taking a long piss, looking down, and noticing you’re spontaneously pissing money.

Which, when I think about it, is a good analogy for this movie.


3 Responses

  1. That’s a good title.


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