When I was in high school, there was an over-zealous teacher who believed in anything that I did, including comics (I talk about this teacher in Tiny Life Demos).  Unfortunately, she thought that everyone was creative and that everyone created in their own individual ways.  That is, being alone in a quiet room was my correct environmental creative atmosphere, but going outside in the parking lot to smoke pot was the correct environmental creative atmosphere for some of my classmates.

Needless to say, she was a bit of a pushover.

During this class I would talk to my Assistant to the Traveling Secretary (although back then “Big Guy” was his moniker) while putting out a gem of a short story every two weeks or so.  To fill the rest of the time, Big Guy and I would rhyme.  Not really “rap,” because rapping assumes a beat, music, and a theme.  I would just give him a word, and he would say a sentence or two where the last word would rhyme with whatever I gave him.

For instance, I might look around the room and say, “Clock.”  Without any hesitation, Big Guy would say something like, “Again Colleen gives me such a shock / I’d like to live ‘long’ with her like Mr. Spock.” Being 17, it probably meant something sexual, but you wouldn’t exactly call it a gift.

"Dark Horse," in stores now!  Or just go buy the latest Travis Tritt album.  I understand they're the same thing.

"Dark Horse," in stores now! Or just go buy the latest Travis Tritt album. I understand they're the same thing.

This is how I’ve felt about Nickeltback for most of their career.  On every single since “Leader of Men” (from the spectacular album The State), I’ve thought about how B.G. – now A.T.S. – could’ve written this song.  It’s like they said, “What rhymes with ‘door’?”  “Boar… core… four… gore… whore… more… floor.  Hey!  ‘Floor!’  They’re both in a house.  Let’s write a song about a guy in a house.”

To me, it sounds like a dumbed-down version of Dr. Suess.  Until I was in my boss’ office this last week.

His secretary likes to listen to country songs, and since I was waiting, I started listening to the words.  I commented on how most of the songs were either about sexual innuendos or tragedy-turned-inspirational events.  For some reason, Nickelback jumped into my head.

“Never Again, How you Remind Me, Hero, Too Bad, Feelin Way Too Damn Good, Figured You Out, Photograph, Side of a Bullet, Rock Star, Something in Your Mouth, If Today Was Your Last Day”… These are all either sexual innuendos songs or tragedy-turned-inspirational songs.

Therefore, Nickelback is country.


2 Responses

  1. i LOVE nickelback. feelin way too damn good makes me rock out!

  2. You have a perverse fascination with Nickelback.

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