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Gallon Mug

I don’t know about you, but I have a certain “mode” that I’m in at work.  For instance, if I were at home or on the road or in a restaurant and someone were to fart in my general direction, I’d give them a piece of my mind.  At work, though, I just shrug it off; points are earned for good behavior (at least until you’re the boss.  Then you’re more respected as a jerk).  Here’s another good example:

I have an hour-long break at my other job.  Since I eat every meal in less than 8 minutes, I often find that I have some time to kill.  So, many days I drive to the local convenience store (they have the best donuts and cookies, by the way.  I have no problem plugging Quality Dairy.  If they need a comic book spokesperson who can spread the word to more than 500 people, I’m their man) to get a soda.

As you know, I am a Coke person.  As you also know, I am a Coke snob, so not just any Coca-Cola will do.  Unfortunately, Quality Dairy has the worst Coke I’ve ever had.  So instead I get a Mountain Dew, which tastes equally shitty no matter where you get it.

My solution to this shitty taste is to fill a 22oz. cup completely with ice – all the way to the top.  Then I put the crappy soda in; for whatever reason, to me it tastes better ice cold and watered down.  I think I get about 5oz. of soda each visit.

moomooToday a very large woman waddled just ahead of me into the Quality Dairy (I’m not using the term “waddled” in order to be mean; it’s a descriptive term because what she was doing wasn’t walking).  She had one of those huge gallon-sized coffee mugs that meth addicts and my neighbors use.  She put ice into her bucket (I wouldn’t call it a “mug”) on the Coke fountain as I was putting ice in my mug from the Pepsi fountain.  Obviously mine was done first so I started to add my usual splash of Mountain Dew to my cup of ice.  When she saw that, wheezing from the trip to the soda machine, she said, “How can you put that poison in your body?”

At this point I could’ve said, “Which one of us do you think is in better shape?”  or “Who do you think’ll die first, here?” or even “I can tell from your breathing that you’re a fitness buff.”  But I didn’t.

I smiled and nodded and moved to the checkout line.  I was still in work mode.


4 Responses

  1. She knew what she was talking about. She didn’t get that size by eating poison.

  2. gross! you can see that lady’s stomach hanging out!

  3. Actually, I think she did get that size by eating poison. It’s the same poison that’ll kill her after the doctors cut off her foot.

  4. No, it was food.

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