The Correct Lie

It seems that the more we “advance,” the more we have to bend our morals in order for the right thing to occur.

For instance, have you ever simply said to a phone solicitor, “I have no interest in what you’re selling; even if you gave it to me for free, I would not take it”?  They won’t shut up.  So you either have to be rude, “I don’t want it.  Stop calling me,” or you have to make up some elaborate story that you’ve decided to go Amish and the phone is the last thing to be taken away, other wise you “totally would’ve bought one.  Godspeed Goody Karen from Culligan Water Softeners.”  Just telling them “no, thank you” is the right thing to do, but the system has found a way around that, so we must lie to circumvent their circumvention.

This is my driveway during a "Jones Barn-Raisin Hell-Raisin Kegger"

This is my driveway during a "Jones Barn-Raisin Hell-Raisin Kegger"

Another good example: my mom pays WAY too much for her health insurance since my dad died.  However, the County offers free regular insurance (no catastrophic, only regular check-ups and small surgeries like hernias) for those who can’t afford their own.  She can afford some insurance, just nothing that would amount to much of anything.  So instead she’s dropped Blue Cross, picked up some low-cost catastrophic, and lied to the County about not be able to afford anything.  Paying an affordable amount for insurance is the right thing to do, but the system has found a way around that, so we must lie to circumvent their circumvention.

I did this all by myself.  Ok, my father-in-law did it.  But I held the flashlight.

I did this all by myself. Ok, my father-in-law did it. But I held the flashlight.

The latest example: my shower.  I installed a shower several weeks ago, but the pressure was bad and I couldn’t get it quite hot enough (“anti-scald technology” Finally, science has saved us from that life-changing decision, “Do I burn myself with unnecessarily hot water or lift my arms all the way up to my waist just to turn a knob?”), so I tore the wall off again to take a look.  The damn thing sprung a leak.

So I turned the water off, tore the fixture out, went back to the hardware store and explained the situation.  I had the receipt, but not the box; therefore, they said, I would have to contact the manufacturer so that I could get replacement parts.

Now, the right thing to do would be for them to simply replace my part, send the broken part to the manufacturer, and everyone would be happy: I get my part, the store gets a returning customer, and the manufacturer gets some data on quality control.  But they’ve found a way around that.  So I lied to circumvent their circumvention.

I walked into the store, bought the same product, traded my broken part for the correct part, changed my shirt, and brought it back in the new box saying it was defective.  It was the same cashier (pardon me, “customer service representative”), I had the same problem, but because it falls under the very complicated “I got box, I bring back” store policy, I was able to do what was right all along.

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5 Responses

  1. It is inadvisable to publicize your mother’s fraud.

  2. you advising against it?

  3. That question has stunned me. I cannot answer.

  4. Since very few of you know what state I live in, what county I live in, what county my mom lives in, and what her last name is (even if it’s Jones it’d be hard to find), I think she’ll be ok.
    If she had a name like “asdkljfhar”, it’d be easy to track.

  5. I share a lot, and miss again.

    You’ve got me eatin’ humble pie, sir.

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