Baby Classes ARE a Waste of Time

A few months ago The Wife and I attended some baby classes (not “baby-makin’ classes”; those would’ve been a lot more fun). If you recall, I said at the time that I believed that were a waste. They would probably be served better as a mandatory low-IQ class (I still believe people should have to have a parenting license – much like a driver’s license: you pay a yearly fee to keep it and once every so many years you have to renew it with a written test). There was NOTHING in that class that I couldn’t have found in less than five minutes on a reliable internet site, even with my dial-up.

Come to find out, even the things they told us to remember were bullshit.

At around 5 o’clock this morning, The Wife had contractions that were one minute long and five minutes apart for at least an hour; this was the protocol the baby class gave us. So we took our time and got to the hospital around six. They hooked The Wife up to a few monitors and had her walk around for about an hour. Around nine they sent us home saying that we should “wait until the contractions are about 2-3 minutes apart, wait until the water breaks, or wait until the contractions get so bad that nothing stops it, not even walking around.”

The baby class we attended was created by the hospital where The Kid will be delivered. Why would they tell us something in class that would result in us not having a child in the child-delivery unit?

Of course, now that I think about it, I don’t think anyone really knows what they’re doing in the health profession (you’d think they would; after all, people have been having babies since one generation before people existed). They told us to walk around in order to start the contraction process, but later told us to walk around to stop the contractions.

I’m thinking I should just squeeze The Wife like a tube of toothpaste ‘til The Kid arrives.


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