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New Coke

Today is a sad day, my friends.  It is the day that the Coca-Cola hierarchy has been shattered.

This is how Coke used to be rated, in order of tastiness:

  1. Coke in a bottle
  2. Fountain Coke from McDonald’s
  3. Coke in a can
  4. Coke in a small plastic bottle
  5. Coke from a 2-liter bottle
  6. Coke from other countries
  7. Coke from pretty much any restaurant except McDonald’s
  8. Coke from an ashtray previously used by those ladies from Two Girls and a Cup
  9. Diet Coke

I have eaten at McDonald’s three times this summer (at three separate locations) and each time was confronted with a startling revelation: McDonald’s changed their Coke formula.

I have a fountain Coke machine at my house so I know how this works.  The fountain machine consists of H2O, CO2, and syrup.  Depending on where you go, this ratio can be altered.  It is often the shittiest in gas stations while it is less shitty in restaurants.  It has always been, however, spectacular at McDonald’s.  I’m not sure how their ratios worked out – I’ve often experimented – but it was often the only reason I ever went to such a crappy place. When I was young, as a reward, I would sometimes get some McDonald’s French fries and a Coke. I was hoping to pass on that diabetes-inducing tradition to my kids. But alas, I cannot.

For McDonald’s has forsaken me.

The new list is as follows:

  1. Coke in a bottle
  2. Coke in a can
  3. Coke in a small plastic bottle
  4. Coke from a 2-liter bottle
  5. Coke from other countries
  6. Coke from any restaurant, including McDonald’s
  7. Coke from a body shot off of either Hall or Oates
  8. Diet Coke

One Response

  1. […] started a bottle-only policy when it comes to Coke.  If someone’s having some playdate pizza party, I won’t turn away a can, but I won’t […]

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