Wine (Adult Hobbies I Wish I Had Part 2)

This is the second post in a series about exploring hobbies that I don’t have, but I wish I did.  To read about the first hobby, beer, click here.

Nothing says "elegance" like drinking grape juice mixed with antifreeze.

My in-laws love their wine.  So do the majority of The Wife’s friends and the majority of my upper-middle-class associates.  They go to the cider mill here in town and spend an entire day tasting various wines from various batches; they go on tours through various states just for the chance to see how wine is made, distributed, and drunk by the barrel.    As a matter of fact, so many people I know love wine that my mom has just started making the stuff in her garage and giving it as gifts in old Kailua bottles.

I can’t tell you how many picture albums I’ve seen – either in person or online – that deal with the subject of wine tasting.  My response is always the same:

I wish I liked wine.

Red Pop: THE beverage choice when visiting fortified wine country.

You’d think I would.  Not just because it’s the alcoholic drink that most resembles Red Pop, but also because of all the things that go along with it.  The discussion of minutia between this bottle and that, the knowledge of what makes a single bottle of wine worth several hundred dollars and another worth a fin if purchased in a box, the hours spent outdoors learning the difference in grapes and times of harvest.  The best vacations I’ve ever had were made up of me just driving around ‘til I found something I felt like doing; between going to Mall of America and stopping to see the world’s biggest thermometer, there are a hundred different wine tasting tours.  Each one had their own unique take on the formula of wine, and each one looked deserving enough for me to walk into (hell, I’ve driven six hours to ride on a boat when I live in a state where I’m never more than 10 miles from a major body of water).

And I stopped at zero of them.

It’s not because I feel like I’m somehow beneath the consumers of wine (because I come from a long line of hard liquor “enthusiasts”), it’s not because I feel like I’m somehow above the makers of the wine (I’ve heard a certain in-law say that I should always wash fruit – grapes especially – because “those migrants shit in those fields you know; they just squat and keep on picking”), and it’s not because I feel like it’s just not worth my time (I’ve spent the last three months reformatting Tiny Life into an eComic when I’ll probably sell a whopping 13 copies at $0.99 a piece; time isn’t exactly a precious commodity).  It’s because wine, to me, tastes like burning kool-aid.  If I wanted kool-aid, I’d drink kool-aid.  If I wanted burning, and call up my ex-girlfriend.

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7 Responses

  1. […] Sports: Adult Hobbies I Wish I Had Part 3 Posted on October 15, 2010 by Nick This is the third post in a series about exploring hobbies that I don’t have, but I wish I did.  To read about the first hobby, beer, click here. To read about the second hobby, wine, click here. […]

  2. […] have, but I wish I did.  To read about the first hobby, beer, click here. To read about the second hobby, wine, click here.  To read about the third hobby, sports, click here. I find beauty in this. I also find beauty in […]

  3. […] have, but I wish I did.  To read about the first hobby, beer, click here. To read about the second hobby, wine, click here.  To read about the third hobby, sports, click here.  To read about the fourth hobby, cars, click […]

  4. […] have, but I wish I did.  To read about the first hobby, beer, click here. To read about the second hobby, wine, click here.  To read about the third hobby, sports, click here.  To read about the fourth hobby, cars, […]

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