Sports: Adult Hobbies I Wish I Had Part 3

This is the third post in a series about exploring hobbies that I don’t have, but I wish I did.  To read about the first hobby, beer, click here. To read about the second hobby, wine, click here.

Growing up I was never that into sports.  I used to think that it was because my father was never into sports, and therefore I would never be into sports.  It turned out to be much more than that.

Seriously, you can't compliment this guy's wife because she's pretty. However, if he paid for these implants, it's fair game.

Being a guy, the only way I can really start a conversation with other guys is to start a sports conversation.  With a woman, all you have to do is give a compliment of any kind; “Nice accent”, “Cute baby”, and “Love your hair” are all acceptable conversation starters in a woman’s world.  With a man, it’s much different.  With a man, any compliment that is not about money (how they get it or what they spend it on) is considered gay and/or offensive.  That is, with a woman, starting a conversation is as easy as exploiting the only trait they all have in common – wanting to be noticed and appreciated – with a man, starting a conversation is as easy as exploiting the only thing they’re al interested in – sports.

Every man but me, anyway.

When I was younger, it wasn’t such a big deal.  I could bring up cartoons we were all watching or toys we all wanted.  But as I grew older, I started to run out of a common denominator for guys.  And that’s when I decided to try and like sports.

There was a time where I could start a conversation with the guy standing next to me with, "That Launchpad. What a character, eh?"

I wanted to be able to walk into any room with another guy and talk candidly about my favorite team in whatever sport was in season at the time.  I wanted to be able to be out with my friends and not feel excluded when the subject of football invariably came up.  I wanted to be able to watch a game in a bar with a bunch of people and not have to ask “Seriously, how can you have ‘roughing’ in a sport where the main goal is to incapacitate the guy in front of you?”  Basically, I wanted to be just like everyone else.

At this point in the story, you may be saying to yourself, “Ok.  Here’s the part where he finds out that he just has to be himself and it’s ok not to adhere to the status quo.  If he was like everyone else, he wouldn’t be able to make a comic everyday.”  Wrong.  I still want to be like everyone else.  That’s why I wish I had this hobby.

But the more I got into it, the more I thought about it.  The more I thought about it, the more I figured out why sports never appealed to me.  It’s not because I’m non-athletic (I’m actually pretty ok at just about every sport, considering I’ve never played any of them for more than three hours in my entire life) and it’s not because I find touching another man in competition more than a little queer.  It’s the superior fanatic attitude.

Guys get made fun of because they know WAY too much about Star Trek or Harry Potter or computers; basically, they know every minute detail of every possible scenario in their confined universes.  Sports is no different.  And I want no part of each.

I’ve sat in on endless conversations about what player is better than what other player in every type of condition.  “Who’s better: the 1907 Cubs or the 1998 Yankees?”  Isn’t that the same as saying, “Who’s stronger: the Hulk or Superman?”  In order to answer either of those ridiculous questions accurately, you have to know quite a bit about each case and quite a bit about the history of the players involved.

And that’s not me.

But I wish it was.

Then maybe I’d have someone to talk to instead of writing this damn thing every night.

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4 Responses

  1. […] hobby, beer, click here. To read about the second hobby, wine, click here.  To read about the third hobby, sports, click here. I find beauty in this. I also find beauty in […]

  2. […] hobby, beer, click here. To read about the second hobby, wine, click here.  To read about the third hobby, sports, click here.  To read about the fourth hobby, cars, click […]

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