Baby Agreement Breach

Last night, The Wife and I had a lil fight.

We’re a bit different than most couples because she never really says anything outright and I take everything at face value. For example, when she says something like, “I’m so tired. I had to get up with the baby twice last night!” that really means, “I got up with the baby twice and you didn’t get up at all. I think we should share this responsibility.” But I take everything at face value, so I just make a little joke about it and we move on.

Well, last night she actually said, “Why don’t you get up with the baby? All you have to do is put the pacifier in her mouth and she foes right back to sleep”

Normally my response would be, “It takes me at least an hour to fall asleep no matter when I wake up. If I get up with the baby, then I’ll be losing at least an hour’s sleep, unlike you, who can (and has) fallen asleep on a bench at an amusement park. Also, I don’t have the type of job where I can go in super-tired. I need to be as sharp as possible.” But I knew that would turn into an argument of job vs. job and sleep vs. sleep. So instead I brought up our Baby Agreement.

When we first started trying to conceive, we had an agreement that I would take care of all non-baby stuff and she would take care of all baby stuff. Once the baby finally arrived, that agreement stayed.

Here’s a list of things that are done on any given day:

Activity

 

Me

 

Wife

 

Get baby up and around

 

X

 

Take baby to day care

 

X

 

Go to work

 

X

 

X

 

Pick up baby from day care

 

X

 

Change diapers

 

X

 

X

 

Feed baby

 

X

 

X

 

Put baby down for night

 

X

 

X

 

Get up with baby at night

 

X

 

Make dinner

 

X

 

Do dishes

 

X

 

Do laundry

 

X

 

Sweep

 

X

 

Decorate

 

X

 

Water plants

 

X

 

Take out trash

 

X

 

Pick up mail

 

X

 

Pay bills

 

X

 

Get groceries

 

X

 

X

 

Feed dog

 

X

 

Play with dog

 

X

 

Mow lawn

 

X

 

Shovel driveway/deck

 

X

 

Now I realize I have a lot more Xs on this list, but that’s not the point. Look where The Wife’s Xs are; they’re all by baby stuff. Look where my Xs are; they’re mostly by non-baby stuff, but they’re also by baby stuff. I’m doing my part of the agreement, plus some of hers.

So, in the argument, I figured fair’s fair and said, “Fine. I’ll get up and stick the pacifier in her mouth, but I won’t be cleaning at all tomorrow. So when you get home, you have to make dinner, clean up after dinner, do the dishes, do a load of laundry, and then put those clothes away.”

She said, “Fine. I’ll get up with her.”

And then I felt so guilty I couldn’t sleep anyway.

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2 Responses

  1. The thing is, there’s no amount of work you could do at another time of day that would appease her discontent with getting up several times at night. I don’t think it’s a woman thing, or a marriage thing, or a baby-tending thing. It just fucking sucks to have to get up and do something when you’re tired, and having to do so makes you resent those who don’t.

    Fairness has little to do with how the conflict will be resolved, however, and that is a marriage thing.

  2. that’s why I’m not having kids

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