55 to 35 on a Stretch of Open Road

This is my weekly Slurpee consumption.

Every once in a while (like twice a week), I drive really far away to get an actual Slurpee from 7-Eleven. There are not any 7-Elevens by my house; there’s nothing by my house (remind me to ask why my taxes are so high then). Since The Wife was off shopping with Lemon, I decided to take my dog for a ride; maybe I’d even get him a tiny beef jerky.

The way Michigan roads work is this: miles of nothing followed by a downtown area followed by more miles of nothing. As I was coming back – on a sugar high – I was driving through Potterville in order to get to Charlotte (yes, it’s as rural as it sounds). As I was approaching the main road in Potterville, the one that connects it to the highway and therefore to my home, a cop flashed his lights at me.

I looked down at the dash to see if I was speeding. I wasn’t; I was traveling at about 40 mph with a fat dog in the backseat and a gigantic Slurpee in the cup holder. I pulled over thinking maybe a tail light was out or there was a new dog seatbelt law or something. Apparently this road – a half-mile before it connects to the main road in a town that only exists to connect my house with 7-Eleven – has a speed limit of 35.

After he wrote me up and after I took it home and bitched about it to Lemon (who couldn’t understand me but thought it was hilarious anyhow), I thought about it. The last time I got a ticket was for the same thing on a similar road.

I understand I was technically breaking the law and I understand that these departments are hard up for money (I’m thinking of it as a donation to the county), but I don’t understand why this half-mile stretch of road suddenly goes from 55 to 35. How is it that there can be nothing but farm land in every direction and the speed limit drops immediately to 35 mph? How is it possible that I can take a rifle out to where I received a ticket, shoot it in any direction, and hit nothing but corn stalks and the speed limit is still 35? Shouldn’t that be the measuring stick?

“Can you shoot a gun 360 degrees without hitting another living being?”


“55 MPH it is!”

“Would this be a good place to bury a body because no one will ever find it?”


“The signs shall read: Speed Limit: 55 MPH!”

And so on.


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