Baby Insults

I wrote a similar post to this a while back, but it’s become more prominent now that Lemon is going to day care full time.

People are using my baby.  It’d be one thing if they were using her for financial gain (because she is pretty darn cute) or even for some sort of sexual perversion (I don’t know if she’s so cute she’d be considered “sexy”, but I suppose anything is possible).  Those things are understandable; I don’t identify with them, but they are understandable.  No, these people are using my daughter to insult one another.

At first it was almost cute.  One person would pick her up – she’d smile her adorable smile – and another person would walk into the room to see her.  This other person would go to grab her and the first person would say something like, “I don’t want to be picked up if your hands is dirty.”

“Hand is dirty.”  See?  Almost cute.

I also heard a lot of “It’s cold out, I don’t want to go out without my long johns” and “Feed me!” in a Little Shop of Horrors voice and “change me!  I got wet panties!”

(As a side-note, does it make anyone else feel uncomfortable when someone says the word “panties” when referring to an infant?)

Now, though, it’s gotten out of hand.  I’ve heard, “As soon as the dishes are done you can pick me up” and “It scares me when you drive so fast” and “We can’t hear you.  The TV is hurting our ears.”  Instead of saying, “I’m watching the kid; you’re doing the dishes” or “Slow down; we’re not getting there any faster” or “There’s no reason I should be able to feel a vibration through the floor when Law and Order is on” they use the baby like she’s a wooden puppet.

A conversation – completely in baby voices – consisting of the following is what actually prompted this post:

“Maybe if someone didn’t drink all day, they could lift me up longer.”

“By lifting a glass over and over someone has actually been working out those muscles.  Not like a certain other someone who wants to hold me”

“Maybe if this certain someone wasn’t cleaning up after someone else, they wouldn’t be so tired they couldn’t work out.”

“Is you sure it’s the cleaning up all day or the sneaking snacks all day?”

“But we’re hungry!  We’ve been crawling around and playing since our big nap this morning.”

“Someone would’ve gotten a ‘big nap’ last night from crawling around on all fours but this certain someone wouldn’t even try it.”

“I TOLD YOU; IT’S GROSS!  I’M NOT A DOG!”

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