Skyline

When I first moved to Charlotte – a good six years ago now – I was amazed that there was really only one place to rent movies, and that place was Blockbuster. Many of the movies I wanted to see (I remember wanting to see Three Amigos for some reason one night) were cheaper to buy than they were to rent. I rented Blade Runner one night for the lowlow price of $4.99. Wal-Mart is across the street; I bought the director’s cut for $5.99. Because of this, for a while there, I stopped rernting movies. I would ask for assloads of DVDs for Christmas and then spend much of the rest of the year watching them (I literally have a 4’ x 8’ shelf full of DVDs from this period).

About 18 months ago, it was rumored that Blockbuster might file for bankruptcy; it was blamed on the ease of downloading movies via bit torrent and the cheapness of Netflix. My first thought was, “Well, maybe they’ll be a little reasonable when it comes to renting 15-year-old movies. My Blue Heaven shouldn’t cost more to rent it than it did when I saw it at the theater.” Around this time Redbox came to town. It was then that I knew Blockbuster had had it.

It’s basically a vending machine for movies. You give them a dollar via credit card and they let you take a movie home. If it’s not back within so many days, they simply charge your credit card the cost of buying a movie. Genius.

Even those of us WAY out here in the sticks – where there is no high speed internet to download things with and ANY mail takes at least three business days to ship (Netflix movies are no exception) – were now able to rent movies cheaply.

It also allows, because it’s only a dollar, those of us in the stick to rent shitty movies we would never watch otherwise. My newest venture: Skyline.

There’s nothing I can say about this movie that hasn’t been said already; it’s a piece of trash with no redeeming qualities; the acting sucks, the special effects aren’t all that great, and the writing is all over the place. As an example of the fine quality of this film (some movies are just “movies”, Skyline is a “film”), let me regale you with two hilariously awful moments:

  1. Donald Faison is the only likeable character in the whole movie. Apparently he’s some sort of rapper or something (they never say what he does except hump blondes) and is the de facto leader of this bunch. He gets killed about halfway through.
  2. The writers believed so much in this movie that when they finally show what the aliens are doing here (taking out our brains and putting them into their own soldier’s heads), they end the movie without resolution because “that’ll happen in Skyline 2” electric boogaloo.

Tonight I rented The Green Hornet. Hopefully it’s as good.

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