Border Patrol (TCAF part 3)

What is it about me that the border patrol finds so threatening?

I’ve been to Canada around a dozen times.  I have been stopped at the border 100% of the time.  Is it my thick Michigan accent?  My paleness?  My averseness to loud noises?  The way I answer every question without hesitation?  When I went to the Toronto Comic Arts Festival, for example:

Border guard: “State your naturalized nationality.”

Me: “What?”

“Where are you from?”

“Oh.  Sorry.  America.”

“What’s your business in Canada?”

“Toronto Comic Arts Festival.

“What’s that?”

“Bunch of people selling comics.”

“Any fruits or vegetables I should know about?”

“Nope.”

“Did you win more than $800 at a casino?”

“Nope.”

“Any firearms?”

“Nope.”

“Pull to the left; we’re going to search your car.”

I always agree to everything because they can legally strip the car and there's nothing I can do about it except smile.

What about that seems suspicious?  I went to Windsor for a bachelor party a few years ago and it was the same thing:

“Business or pleasure in Canada?”

“Pleasure.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Holiday Inn.”

“How long will you be there?”

“Overnight.”

“Pull to the left; we’re searching your car.”

I think next time I’ll actually ask the guard, “What am I doing that makes you suspicious?  Is it my Goodwill clothing?  My rental car?  The fact that I always have a Slurpee cup and you somehow equate 7-Eleven with Middle Eastern terrorism?”

I bet that would get me pulled over too.

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