What is it about me that the border patrol finds so threatening?
I’ve been to Canada around a dozen times. I have been stopped at the border 100% of the time. Is it my thick Michigan accent? My paleness? My averseness to loud noises? The way I answer every question without hesitation? When I went to the Toronto Comic Arts Festival, for example:
Border guard: “State your naturalized nationality.”
“Where are you from?”
“Oh. Sorry. America.”
“What’s your business in Canada?”
“Toronto Comic Arts Festival.
“Bunch of people selling comics.”
“Any fruits or vegetables I should know about?”
“Did you win more than $800 at a casino?”
“Pull to the left; we’re going to search your car.”
What about that seems suspicious? I went to Windsor for a bachelor party a few years ago and it was the same thing:
“Business or pleasure in Canada?”
“Where are you staying?”
“How long will you be there?”
“Pull to the left; we’re searching your car.”
I think next time I’ll actually ask the guard, “What am I doing that makes you suspicious? Is it my Goodwill clothing? My rental car? The fact that I always have a Slurpee cup and you somehow equate 7-Eleven with Middle Eastern terrorism?”
I bet that would get me pulled over too.
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