Ascension (TCAF part 4)

My prize.

When I was Canada a few weeks back, my friend and I walked around Younge Street for a couple hours.  We saw that huge mall they have and we saw a concert with some hip-hop “artist” where they gave away free Coca-Cola.  We gawked outside a weird strip club and we tried not to stare at couples holding hands that really shouldn’t be (the two in the matching Amigos come to mind).  We also saw a Doomsday Winnebago.

The RV was completely decked out in rapture paraphernalia.  It had professionally airbrushed crucifixes and website advertisements and all the proper permits to park it on a side-street in order to sell the message that sinners should repent.  He had a long winding line of people – believers and non-believers – that wanted to talk to him.  Some wanted to argue that the Bible explicitly says, “None shall know the time or day” of reckoning; some wanted to argue that Jesus was just a man; some wanted to argue that it’s vain to believe that you will be the one to predict the end of all things. 

I wanted to know what he was planning on doing with that RV.

If Armageddon goes down like Evangelicals say it will, I ain’t goin to heaven.  I will be stuck here for the 1000 years while Antichrist wreaks havoc upon the earth.  So, I figure, if this guy is ascending, if he’s completely disaperating leaving only his clothes behind and I’m stuck here clothes and all, what better way to ride out the apocalypse than in a kick-ass RV that basically says, “I told you so.”   

So I waited in line.  I had this whole speech started in my mind about why I would like his RV and what would he need a Winnebago in heaven for; I was looking on my iPhone about what it would actually take to transfer a vehicle free-of-charge from Canada to America.  But then some bearded dude got nose-to-nose with him and started screaming at him that his god was a false god so I got out of line (as my friend said, “Which one do you think will admit the other is right?”).

In hindsight, if he was sure enough about the End of the World to yell “We’ll see who’s right in two weeks!”, I probably could’ve actually gotten him to sign over the Winnebago.


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