Better Living Through Toe Rings

It’s been a year since I lost my wedding ring. I don’t miss it. I don’t like jewelry. When I told The Wife about it, she was cool with it; she doesn’t really like jewelry either. That’s one of the reasons I love her.

You might ask yourself (you can’t ask me; I typed this two weeks ago), “You love your wife because of your basic indifference to jewelry?” My answer: yes, but it goes much deeper.

For the most part, jewelry is for people who want to be more attractive without actually putting anything into it. Same thing with make-up and shoes (or pretty much just fashion of any kind). What I mean is, there are a lot of natural beauties out there, but just about everyone could be attractive if they just worked at it a little. Sure, you could go to the gym, tone up those arms, maybe lose a little of that pudge you got from having kids a decade ago, but isn’t it easier just to wear a big ring with some shiny earrings? You could go on an actual diet (meaning that you eat more vegetable for the rest of your life; a diet is not loading up on whey protein and skipping carbs until bathing suit season), but isn’t it just easier to wear black with vertical stripes? You could better yourself by taking some night classes so that you have “knowing eyes” instead of that blank stare you give people when they use a big word, but isn’t it easier to just get some loud eye shadow?

That’s why I love my wife. She doesn’t wear jewelry or wear make-up or have a thousand different outfits that distract people from seeing her. She doesn’t pretend to better herself. She actually does.


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