I Wish I Could Be Like That

This is the latest in a series where I explain that I’m not mad at you for acting how you’re acting; I’m jealous of you because you feel you are able to act how you’re acting.

I don’t live that far away from work, but I live far enough down country roads where it can be bothersome.  See, people who drive on country roads their whole lives are rarely in a hurry.  They know it’ll take a good half hour to get anywhere, so they usually spread their lives out accordingly.

W14-3MODSPECIAL345x42Yesterday I was in a hurry to get home (Quinoa is teething and Lemon likes to play “Guess why I’m screaming”) and about halfway there I was caught behind a pickup going around 40 mph.  As I said, this sort of thing is expected, but I know these roads well enough to know the stretches of highway where it’s bad to get stuck behind someone who takes the “handicapped” sticker on their licence plate a little too seriously; this was one of those places.  I was stuck behind him for four miles; all you can see if one “no passing” sign after another.  Then there’s a space a few hundred yards long where you can safely get around someone.  After that, for the next eight miles or so, there is literally no place to pass – everything is a curve or a hill or both.  I knew that once we went down this hill, I was going to be stuck going as fast as this idiot wanted to go for the next ten minutes.  So I did what any law-abiding parent would do and passed this A-hole in the only spot I could.


Because it makes sense that someone who eats pennies should have crocs.

I passed him on the downward slope of the first-of-eight-miles-of-hills and was only able to finish the passing procedure on the way back up the hill (not much, a few hundred feet or so; I was in no danger).   He did not like that one bit.  Behind me came a barrage of honking, like I was dangling my youngest out the window by her crocs (yes, for some reason my kids have crocs).

I ask this man: what was your plan?  That I stop and say, “You were right; what was I thinking?”    That we hug it out?  That I should be ashamed of myself for sort of breaking a law that involved you (like you were somehow an accomplice)?  Or did you just want me to know that you knew I technically finished passing you in a “no passing” zone and you felt attacked because of it?

This is who I’d like to be.  I’d like to live in a world where I could be personally offended by people trying to get home.  I’d like to have the balls to honk my horn at someone for driving like a person trying to get somewhere.  I’d like to have in my mind a set of road rules that no one else really understands but I expect everyone to live by.

I wish I was this guy.  God willing, when I turn 100, I will be.


One Response

  1. […] This is an on-going series of posts explaining that while you may have a very annoying personality trait, I am not annoyed by you.  It’s quite the opposite; I wish I was like you (see part 1, part 2, part 3) […]

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