Too Happy

I am not an eater.

Healthy-Eating-GirlI mean, I eat; I have eaten, but I’m not one of those people who likes to celebrate everything by “going out to dinner.”  The Wife isn’t either.  Usually, on our anniversary, we’ll go to bed early and wake up late.  My idea of “a good time” isn’t spending a bunch of money on food I could make way better and for way less money (I also feel the same about prostitution).  My idea of a good time is not being so tired my eyes blink independently of each other.  And it’s not necessarily the act of eating out that bothers me, it’s the act of overeating while I’m out.  Birthdays, barbeques, thanksgivings… it all adds up.

Since living with The In-Laws, I’ve since been reminded that some people enjoy going out for the expressed purpose of eating food with people that they eat food with everyday, just in a different chair.   Not to pick on The In-Laws; eating food to celebrate is a normal thing.  Normal people do this.  It’s just that I’m struck by the number of times people are allowed to do this.  Here is a list of all the days the people in my family are encouraged to overeat:

  1. New Year’s Day
  2. Mother-in-Law’s birthday
  3. Wife’s birthday
  4. My birthday
  5. Super Bowl Sunday
  6. Valentine’s Day
  7. Father-in-Law’s birthday
  8. What better way to say "I remember that magical first kiss" than by stabbing barely-cooked fish with a wooden stick?

    What better way to say “I remember that magical first kiss” than by stabbing barely-cooked fish with a wooden stick?

    First date anniversary

  9. At least once during March Madness
  10. St. Patrick’s Day
  11. Fat Tuesday
  12. Easter
  13. Mother’s Day
  14. Daughter #1’s birthday
  15. Memorial Day
  16. Father’s Day
  17. Daughter #2’s birthday
  18. 4th of July
  19. At least three barbeques during the summer
  20. Labor Day
  21. This is the picture I use to prove to others that I have friends that aren't white.

    This is the picture I use to prove to others that I have friends that aren’t white.

    At least two tailgates during college football

  22. My wedding anniversary
  23. Halloween
  24. Thanksgiving
  25. Christmas with my family
  26. Christmas with The Wife’s family
  27. New Year’s Eve

Out of 52 weeks, more than half contain a celebration of food.  Maybe it’s not “too much McDonald’s” or “too much sugar” or “too many preservatives” that is making us all fat.  It’s that we’re all too happy and we want to celebrate that fact with others.  With appetizers.  Cheesy appetizers.

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