An Ikea Kitchen

savedIn the New House (I’m thinking of naming it “Xanadu: House of the Future” for brevity’s sake), I’ve had the kitchen planned the longest.  The Wife and I went to Ikea as a lark a few years ago and I absolutely loved a certain mixture of white cabinetry, butcher-block countertops, and white appliances.  Since that time, I’ve measured and used a 3D program, and used Ikea’s own planning program, and found accessories using various (I feel a little nauseous admitting this) pinterest-like sites.  I know exactly what I want in the house that I designed.

On one of the rare days that both Lemon and Quinford were somewhere besides punching my crotch, The Wife and I again decided to visit Ikea.  It’s a little vacation: it’s a two-hour drive, they have exotic food (like meatballs), and we’re able to talk about adult things like the location of a broom closet in an imaginary Xanadu.  When we got there, we saw that our preferred appliances (all rated as “best buys” from Consumer Reports, by the way) were being sold off to make room for an all stainless steel line.  Since they were already 30% of, and since Ikea was running a 20% sale, we got the appliances for a fraction of the price.  But we had to store them.  And if they were broken, there was no way we could replace them.

kitchen

Would your kitchen fit in the back of a VW hatchback? Now who’s crazy?

We found a solution and everything seemed fine.

About a month ago, I went to Ikea for the same non-crotch-punching reason and found that the kitchen cabinets that we preferred were also being sold off to make room for a 3/16” bigger cabinet line.   So I had to buy all of those.  Nineteen cabinets with drawers, drawer fronts, cabinet doors, hinges, shelves, knobs… the works.  In all, it was a purchase of 184 items.  They were shipped to me.  Five items were damaged.  Which means, if I do not get these items replaced, I will have spent thousands of dollars on a kitchen the doesn’t quite match.  I will have nineteen cabinets and one drawer will be a slightly different color.  I will have nineteen cabinets and one knob will be brushed nickel instead of nickel-plated.

Which cabinet is off-color?

I know it sounds dumb, but you only notice the things that don’t match.  That’s why racism exists.  If every drawer was a different color, you wouldn’t notice the one that was a little more off-white.

So this weekend I’ll have to call them up and explain the whole thing.  Hopefully it’s a little better than trying to return a gift through Amazon.

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