Permits (part 4)

Story the Eighth: Water and Sewage

I’m finally moving to a city.  I’m excited.  I’ve never lived in a town before.  I can go places that aren’t on the way to someplace else (I could never go to the hardware store and the grocery store in two different trips on the same day before) and I can use the phrase, “I’ll be right back!” and mean it!

This is where I used to get my water. Now I get it from a rusty pipe. I have the same relationship with crack cocaine.

In the country we have wells for water.  For those of you in the city, let me explain: I have a company come out and dig a hole dozens (sometimes hundreds) of feet deep.  They then put in an electric pump that takes the water from the underground lake to my house where I will pretend not to taste the massive amount of cow shit that has drained to the underground lake.

For sewage, in the country, we have a massive tank in our back yard where all the human waste is stored.  Grass doesn’t grow here (or sometimes, for whatever reason, it grows wildly).  We have to get it pumped out every decade or the shit will literally run backwards into the house.

In the city, this is just a pipe the runs by my house.  I can just tap into it.  Same thing for the sewer.  Tapping an already existing pipe should be less expensive than digging a massive hole, installing a pump, and burying a poop tank so big we could ride out the apocalypse in it.

Here’s my bill:


One Response

  1. […] hole, and repair the road.  I found someone will to do this for just shy of $11,000.  With the $9000 water permit and the $6500 electrical hook-up, I’m looking at over $26000 for the ability to shit in my […]

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