The Wife is Going Crazy

I’ve done a lot of research on ridiculously tiny things on this house: best way to insulate a ceiling, optimal place for an outdoor spigot, countertop styles, where to put vapor barriers, how high outlets should be from the floor, how much space should be around toilets… (I could go on) but each of these things had a purpose: I want to keep my house as quiet as possible, because of freezing possibilities I don’t want to have to plumb a bunch of places on the outer walls, I want to keep the price down  but I don’t want it to look cheap, I don’t want to grow mold but I don’t want to get the wood wet, I want to keep outlets low but I want them easily accessible, I want larger people to comfortably take larger poops at my house, respectively.  Believe it or not, I spent almost a week online figuring out if high or low toilets are better (turns out that high toilets are easier to get on and off, but low toilets allow for better BMs).  Some things, though, I couldn’t care less about: what type of toaster we have or where the TV will be placed or if the pendant lights should be centered or deliberately off-center.  This is where The Wife comes in.  And she’s going insane.

Being The Wife, she feels like she has to share things; that is, she feels the need to tell me her thought process as that process is happening.  She’ll initiate a 90-minute conversation on ceiling fans.  I’ll ask about how far down it is or how the blades will help circulate our 96%-efficiency furnace.  She’ll talk about how the blades are reversible, but “one side says it’s maple, but when I looked it up online, it looked a lot more like pine.  A lot.”

We’re going to be getting flooring in a few days.  She’s in charge of carpeting.  She’s narrowed it down to six choices:


I imagine we’re going to have an extensive conversation on the pros and cons of each.

The same can be said about her color choices.  Here is our swatch booklet of possible choices for the living room.:


It’s either going to be “morning mist grey”, “light-blue shadow” or “every color the human eye can recognize”.


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