After watching Suicide Squad (I didn’t plan on seeing it – I pride myself on identifying bad movies by their commercials – a friend of mine had a few hours away from the family and he likes anything Batman-related), I read a bunch of reviews to see if I was the only one who hated everything about it. I was not. The majority of the reviews talked about how the acting is bad, the dialogue is bad, the bad guys don’t seem to be all that bad, there are inexplicable music videos scattered throughout, Jared Leto as an awful Joker (I also read a lot of tangents about how Heath Ledger ruined any future Joker and how Leto should’ve been much better considering all the rumors about him being “in character” and using that as an excuse to be an asshole to his castmates), and the obvious attempts to “lighten it up” after the reviews of the history-will-show-that-it-is-preposterously-named Batman vs. Superman. No one mentioned, though, the individual story arcs.
Good movies have a resolution of plot and a resolution of character: “we stopped the aliens and I regained my lost faith.” OK movies have only a resolution of plot: “the aliens were going to invade, but we stopped them!” Bad movies try to do both but accomplish neither. That is Suicide Squad.
Here’s the plot: a witch is trying to destroy … something … with dancing and green lighting. The dancing is stopped and the green lighting is stopped, but things are still destroyed (the plot is like Married Sex: the beginning is a little too quick and a little too awkward, the middle’s not as fun as it could be, and the ending is totally expected yet somehow disappointing). I wasn’t surprised by lack of plot. I was, however, surprised by each character’s “story” arc.
- Deadshot: He gets caught by Batman at the beginning because he doesn’t want to kill someone in front of his daughter. By the end, he finds the courage to do so.
- Harley Quinn: At the beginning, she’s likes to swing on a bedsheet in a cage and antagonize the guards. By the end, she likes to drink cappuccinos in a cage and antagonize the guards.
- Rick Flag: He has a stupid name at the beginning and not one other character says so. By the end, he is patriotic.
- Captain Boomerang: He’s angry and in captivity at the beginning (presumably because he’s an expert at the world’s most useless weapon). By the end, he’s angry and in captivity.
- Killer Croc: When we first meet him, his only defining characteristic is that he’s ugly. By the end we see that he finally understands the depths of the human heart. I’m kidding; he continues to be ugly and that is all.
- Diablo: At the beginning, he swears never to use his power after what he did to his own family. By the end, he finds the courage to kill again.
It’s almost like before production started, someone in power said, “This has to be like a TV show. Everything is wrapped up by the time the credits roll and nothing can change.” I’m thinking maybe the incomprehensible popularity of The Flash has somehow tainted DC’s movie outings.
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