How We Really Got Here (part 3)

On my last post, I accused everyone of voting for their respective candidates because we only get news about things we like, and what we like is ourselves; therefore, you voted for you.  In the post before that, I accused everyone of voting for their respective candidates because no one sees nuance; everything is either “the best” or “the worst”.  This post combines those two (and segues nicely with the trending “alternative facts” conversation).

Reason 3: Fact as Opinion

4

I remember the “Team Zelda” / “Team Kickle” days

I think we were all told when we were little that your opinion is as valid as the next guy’s.  Just because I like Zelda doesn’t mean that you can’t like Kickle Cubicle. Parents say that, in part, to show their kids that opinions are like assholes (in that it’s a disease-filled hole where weirdos like to play), and also to stop their children from having stupid arguments over stupid things.

As we get older, we all accept that as fact; your thoughts about double-ply vs. triple-ply are just as valid as mine.  Up until the invention of the iPhone, it’s how we spent the majority of pub-time.  Lately it’s become dangerous.

multichanelsurger-com

SIngle-ply is for drug addicts and fecophiles

  1. This is my opinion.
  2. An opinion can’t be wrong.
  3. If it’s not wrong, then it’s right.
  4. Ergo, my opinion is right.

Any opinion that you have about anything is just as valid as anyone else’s opinion.  Therefore, their opinion is right too.  Everyone is right all the time about everything.  My opinion on global warming, race relations, abortion, gun control, health care, immigration, taxes, wealth inequality, and war are just as valid as yours.

Which brings me to the next logical level:

global-temp-and-co2-1880-2009

Graphs are the sluts of math: they lie for anyone

My opinion is correct.  Facts are correct.  Therefore, my opinions are facts.  Not only are my opinions on global warming, race relations, abortion, gun control, health care, immigration, taxes, wealth inequality, and war just as valid as yours, they’re as factual as yours.  Even if I have uninformed opinions, these opinions are now facts: Bananas cause colitis.  The number six has evil origins.  Wrestling is real.  There’s no such thing as socks.  Every idea, no matter how unfounded, minute, or outlandish it may be, can now be a fact. Even if there is a lot of evidence to the contrary.

Hilary Clinton is a mass-murdering, uppity, national-secret-selling, only-rich-because-she’s-a-politician (literal) witch because I think so.  I voted for Trump because abortions are exponential murder, mexicans are stealing our jobs, taxes are way too high, global warming is a global conspiracy, the only answer to gun violence is more gun violence, and business regulations are the only things keeping me from getting rich.

Or…

Donald Trump is a mass-raping, self-aggrandizing, working-for-Russia, only-rich-because-his-daddy-gave-him-money (literal) sociopath because I think so.  I voted for Clinton because abortions are sacred, all minorities are better than whites, taxes aren’t being spent correctly, global warming is the single greatest threat our country has ever faced, gun violence is the single greatest threat our country has ever faced, and business regulations are the only things keeping me from getting rich.

You’re not an expert on any of this stuff.  You don’t have the facts.  But you have your opinions.  And they’re the same damn thing.

 

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